After a very long break, I decided to write again. I stopped writing because I had a lot on my plate lately. My whole life changed just in a month. So what happened?
So as you know I am a foreign student in Germany. I was studying for my bachelor’s at the Technical University of Kaiserslautern. I liked my university and my friends there but I was struggling a lot with the classes. Not that I wasn’t interested in my subject, but I am studying full time in German, I am far away from my country, my family and my friends. Not like all of these are hard enough to cope with but also we have to learn to live with Coronavirus. All of them plus studying at a challenging technical university was pushing my limits. So I decided to make some changes in my life and make things simpler for me. So I called the action.
It is not easy to change your university in Germany if you are a foreign student. You have to convince the foreigner’s office that you are not using your student visa just to be able to live in Germany. You have to convince them that your aim here is to get a degree, which is already my case. So I wrote an E-Mail to the foreigner’s office and told them everything sincerely. They should have been emphasized my situation, that they allowed me for a change. After I got the support from the foreigner’s office, I started to apply to a bunch of universities, some around Kaiserslautern but some across the country. I didn’t want to make things harder with Patrick of course but thankfully he is the most supportive boyfriend ever, so he said even if I would go to Hamburg, we would figure it out.
After two stressful months, I finally got the acceptance mail from the Ludwigshafen University of Business and Society for a marketing major. Marketing is something that I was always interested in and also I am doing some freelance business during the last couple of years in this field. So I felt like I finally found my thing that I feel strong about myself.
After that, I found a shared flat in Mannheim and now I am living with 2 amazing girls together. Mannheim and Ludwigshafen are separated by a bridge so it is like the European and the Anatolian Part of Istanbul. (Finally feeling home haha!) And Mannheim is also where Patrick lives so we had luck at the end or maybe a gift from the universe because we were welcoming anything that life would give us anyways.
My first semester was because of the Coronavirus completely online and through the screens, I liked all of my classmates. I also found a job in Ludwigshafen at Human Resources and also love to work with people one of one.
I made a lot of thinking before I decided to change my whole life completely. What if’s were driving me crazy during the whole thinking process. Starting my studies all over again, new city, new friends, new job. Am I strong enough to take it? Am I generally ENOUGH at all? But then I looked at my life and I have to admit one thing. I noticed that I wasn’t happy in Kaiserslautern at all! I was alone and felt depressed the whole time. I was so close to losing my faith in me to get success in life and through that, I lost my complete motivation. I have no idea how my life would be like if I wouldn’t decide to make changes in my life. I was used to leaving my comfort zone since I moved to a foreign country alone but in only 4 years making a second big change was not that easy. It took time and courage until I got to the point to admit how I was really feeling and where I really was in life.
Now I am so thankful that I noticed my unhappiness and decided to make something about it. I feel so much lighter and less stressed. I feel like a bug is gone which consumed me for years. This year I learned a lot, I changed a lot. I know my worth more than any other part of my life and I finally believe in myself again. I can stand for myself, speak for myself, act for my own good and live for my own choices. I learned that fear is only a feeling which our brain creates to push us to think. This is good because without any fear, it is very difficult to make logical decisions but this does not mean that because of fear you should continue your life as it is even it doesn’t make you happy. Or even sadder, you should definitely not stop living your life because you are afraid of the change. Just like Rumi once said: “Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”